Congratulations! You've reached the final day of the program. Now that you have a broad base from which to advance in your sexual life, it's time to take a look at the future.
Here, we'll incorporate some additions to your sexual repertoire and have a look at ways to keep your sex life happy and healthy as the years go on.
DAY SEVEN: Morning Session
Toys, Tools, and Taboos
In the ongoing effort to keep your sex life fulfilling, you may wish to consider introducing a few other sex helpers into your lovemaking. Here are just a few options to get you started. Take some time to investigate them for yourself and see if one or two might find their way into your newly-developed sex life.
Sex Toys
Archeologists have unearthed the dildos, which were used as fertility symbols in ancient civilizations. Ancient texts from around the world, including tales from The Arabian Nights, reference fruit, vegetables, and other phallic objects being used for sexual gratification. Not only is it an ancient symbol of fertility, the Greeks used dildos ("olisbos") made of wood or leather. And at that time, olive oil was the lubricant of choice! The Italian word "diletto" means "to delight". This is how we came to the modern English word, "dildo".
Dildos & Vibrators
One of the oldest sexual aides in history is the dildo. Essentially, it is an artificial penis designed for penetration, which is made from any number of materials. Today, dildo varieties are just about infinite, and they can be enjoyed by both women and men.
A variation on the dildo is commonly known as the "vibrator". Since many vibrators have varying speed settings, you can adjust the movements to fit your needs.
There's no rule that says vibrators have to be used on the genitals alone. Try using them as full-body massagers for a top-to-bottom sensual adventure.
One of the common misconceptions about vibrators is that they primarily come in the shape of a penis. Certainly plenty of them do, but some are egg-shaped, or are as tiny as bullets.
Also, contrary to what most believe, many women do not insert them into the vagina during masturbation, but rather use the vibrator to stimulate outside genitalia.
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Male-specific Sex Toys
No matter what size vibrator you use, however, caution should be taken not to do damage to sensitive tissues by using a setting that is too high, or by using the vibrator for very long periods of time.
Male-oriented sex toys are a great choice for men who want to keep up stamina during self-pleasure or pleasure with a partner. Personal sex aides like silicone sheaths and sleeves add nice variety to typical masturbation methods.
If you want to give your female partner a thrill as well, there are plenty of ticklers, extenders, and cock rings that are sure to make her happy.
Sex Tools
Erotic Videos & DVDs
Long gone are the days when sex tapes only referred to pornographic movies. While pornographic film and video is still a booming industry, so is the market for erotic and educational programming.
Today, many couples turn to instructional sex videos to learn how to improve their love lives. The modern take on these programs doesn't leave out the sexy factor, either. Learning was never such a turn-on!
[ICON] POLL: Have you or your partner ever watched one? Never tried this but would like to Never tried but don't care to Tried and like it Tried and didn't like it
Lubricants
It's true that lubricants are often used when a little extra moisture is needed during sex. Who says that sex lubes can't be fun as well as functional? Many have flavors and scents to help take lovemaking to a whole new level.
Oral sex can get a boost when you smell and taste flavors like chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, and even bubble gum.
Taboos
Anal Sex
The walls of the anus are actually lined with very sensitive nerve endings. However, it produces no lubrication of its own.
In essence, anal sex involves penetrating your partner's anus with a penis, finger(s), a dildo, or another anal sex toy, with the goal of experiencing mutual pleasure. But for many, anal sex can be a bit daunting.
The extra care and attention needed during anal sex offers you and your partner a way to become more intimate. At any given time, each of you can be the giver or receiver of this act of love. Each of you will have the opportunity to experience some approximation of what the other experiences.
Before you start, It's a good idea to put away any stigmas about anal sex and remind yourselves of its potential intimacy factor, both physically and emotionally.
If you decide to try anal sex, there are three vital things to remember: Be safe, slick, and slow.
- Ensure your safety by getting clean beforehand and using the protection of a condom during sex.
- Use lots of lubricant to ensure the partner on the receiving end is comfortable.
- Finally, take your time! What's the rush? Go slowly enough to avoid discomfort...and to allow you both to experience pleasure to its fullest and most luxurious.
S&M
Sado-Masochism, or S&M, is another arena many couple enjoy exploring. In light S&M practices, one partner is dominant while the other is submissive. Often light restraints such as soft hand- or ankle-cuffs are used, which serve to render the submissive partner "helpless" against the advances of the dominant partner.
Some couples enjoy switching dominant and submissive roles in order to enjoy both power as well as relinquishing power in essence, putting complete trust in your partner.
As you both move forward on this journey toward better sex, be open to trying new experiences. Even if dildos or DVDs or furry handcuffs don't become part of your regular encounters, just the process of learning innovative ways to expand your horizons and being willing to try them will be enough to enrich your sex life together.
DAY SEVEN: Afternoon Session
Sex & Aging
In 1990, The Kinsey Institute New Report on Sex released information about "Physical Changes in Sexual Arousal Associated with Aging." A few of the changes women may encounter as they age are reductions in muscle tone (which can mean less intense orgasms), vaginal lubrication and elasticity, and less blood flow to zones of sexual arousal such as breasts and genitals. Men may take longer to reach erection and orgasm (both of which may not be as strong as in their younger years), there may be a need for more direct stimulation during sex, and ejaculation may include a smaller volume of semen. In addition, men's recovery time may increase between sexual intercourse.
As we age, our bodies undergo a number of changes, both physical and mental. Unfortunately, sexuality and aging is a subject that is somewhat taboo. For some, it conjures an uncomfortable image of our parents or even grandparents "getting it on".
What some don't realize is that we, too, are going to age and our sexuality will necessarily come into new phases as well. It's doubtful that many of us are willing to accept an age where our sexuality will simply fade away.
Men may take longer to reach erection and orgasm (both of which may not be as strong as in their younger years), there may be a need for more direct stimulation during sex, and ejaculation may include a smaller volume of semen. In addition, men's recovery time may increase between sexual intercourse.
Certainly some of us will "mellow out" with age, not needing as much sexual activity. On the flip side, just as many of us experience an increase in desire. The latter may have to do in part with a reduction in stresses of the risk of pregnancy and/or the development of our own sexual needs and desires.
Even better news is that older adults are perfectly capable of sexual pleasure and orgasm even in much older years.
If you and your partner need to take things more slowly due to physical constraints, you can use this downtime to develop new and exciting ways to make love. Perhaps in your younger years, sex had basically two steps: physical stimulation/foreplay and intercourse.
When you have more time to enjoy each other, try exploring each other's sexual depths through sensual massage, sharing fantasies, deep embraces, and more.
As for the physical changes, many can be overcome with a few tools. Women can overcome vaginal dryness with the use of personal lubricants. Radically decreased sex drive can be addressed with hormone replacement therapy (HRT) in women, and drugs like Viagra for men.
Aging does not have to mean an end to our sexuality. In fact, to get a good idea of how your sexuality will be affected by your growing older, take a look at your sex drive now. Chances are if your attitude toward and enjoyment of sex is healthy now, it will continue to be well into your advanced years.
DAY SEVEN: Night Session
Graduation Speech
On your final night of this program, take some time to relax and reflect on your work over the last seven days.
You and your partner may wish to recreate the "love nest" from Day Three's "The Loving Touch" exercise. Perhaps pour some Champagne.
In your Better Sex Journal, answer the following questions:
- Looking back to your answer for Question 10 of the first exercise on Day One: did you move closer to or achieve your goal concerning this program?
- What is the most important thing you learned about your partner that you did not know before?
- What do you believe is the most important thing she or he has learned about you?
- Were you able to overcome any fears or stigmas? If so, what were they and what helped you overcome them?
- After having taken this program, what is your goal for the future of your sex life?
Once you have finished, take turns reading your answers aloud to each other. Discuss any feelings that might come up concerning your discoveries.
As always, be sure to thank your partner with a long hug to close the exercise as well as the program.
Good luck and good loving!
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