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<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width=542 border=0> <TBODY> <TR> <TD vAlign=top align=left><!-- copy start --> <TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 border=0> <TBODY> <TR> <TD class=body><IMG height=60 alt="" src="https://www.bettersex.comskins/Skin_1/images/bsu/bsu-qa-header.jpg" width=542 border=0> <P> <TABLE cellPadding=5 width="100%" border=0> <TBODY> <TR class=body bgColor=#e1e1e3> <TD width="16%"> <DIV align=center><SPAN class=drsandybold style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">GENERAL</SPAN> </DIV></TD> <TD width="32%"> <DIV align=center><A href="<!GENERATEURL_TOKEN#t-bsu-intimacyqa2.aspx!>"><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; TEXT-DECORATION: underline">COMMUNICATION ISSUES</SPAN></A> </DIV></TD> <TD width="21%"> <DIV align=center><A href="<!GENERATEURL_TOKEN#t-bsu-intimacyqa3.aspx!>"><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; TEXT-DECORATION: underline">ORGASM ISSUES</SPAN></A> </DIV></TD> <TD width="31%"> <DIV align=center><A href="<!GENERATEURL_TOKEN#t-bsu-intimacyqa4.aspx!>"><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; TEXT-DECORATION: underline">ERECTILE<BR>DIFFICULTIES</SPAN></A> </DIV></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE></P> <TABLE width="100%" border=0> <TBODY> <TR> <TD width="20%"> <DIV align=center><IMG height=88 src="https://www.bettersex.comskins/Skin_1/images/bsu/drloribuckley.jpg" width=88 border=0></DIV></TD> <TD width="80%"> <H1><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Ask Dr. Lori - Sex&nbsp;and Intimacy Advice&nbsp;<SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal">(Dr Lori is on Hiatus This Week And Will Not Be Answering Or Taking Any Questions)</SPAN></SPAN></H1><BR></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE><BR> <DIV>Dr. Lori is a licensed clinical psychologist and an American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) certified sex therapist. We know that there are a lot of people who have questions about all kinds of sexual things, so we teamed up with Dr. Lori to answer your questions. Send us your questions and we will post Dr. Lori's answer here. Please allow 2 to 3 weeks. <BR><BR><A href="">Click here</A> to learn more about Dr. Lori Buckley. </DIV><BR><A href="mailto:msmith@"><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 11pt">Submit your own question.</SPAN></A><BR><BR> <DIV> <H1>General Questions:</H1></DIV><BR><BR><!-- <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Q:</span><br /> I am a 54 year old woman. My husband and I have 5 children between the two of us. The last child moved out of the house recently and we bought a new house, one we plan to retire in. We had fallen into a pattern of intercourse maybe one to two times a week. I have fibromyalgia and in the last six months finished about a year and a half of antibiotics for deep tissue infections with an infectious disease specialist. We are now having intercourse one or two times daily, much to my husbands delight. We do use the KY gel to avoid dryness, however in the last two weeks I have started bleeding afterwards and now spot on and off. I don't know if I should worry about female problems. I had an abnormal pap smear in late April and then a repeated one in late July with everything being fine. I have seemed to have just found my libido after a good while and don't want to have to stop. Could this be too much of a good thing for a woman who is 54 or what?<br /> Sincerely, <br /> PKB <br /> <br /> <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Dr. Lori's Answer:<br /> </span>Dear PKB:<br /> Good question, but we hesitate to make recommendations when health issues seem to be involved. Best to talk to your doctor about the spotting. I will say that lube is really important. Can't be too rich, too thin or have enough lube (in our opinion). We have two Better Sex lubes: <a href="!generateurl_token#sex-toys-and-more/lubelotions/sinclairs-satiny-smooth-personal-lubricant-pc-171-58.aspx!%3e">Sinclair's Satiny Smooth</a> and the <a href="!generateurl_token#sex-toys-and-more/lubelotions/better-sex-gel-lubricant-8-oz-pc-556-58.aspx!%3e">Better Sex Gel Lube</a>, which is thicker and tends to stay on a little longer. <br /> <br /> Medexus also makes <a href="!generateurl_token#sex-toys-and-more/lubelotions/splash-personal-moisturizer-pc-2303-58.aspx!%3e">Splash</a>, a specially formulated personal lubricant and moisturizer for women over 40 which provides long lasting effective relief of vaginal dryness.<br /> <br /> You can see our other best selling lubes and lotions at: <a href="!generateurl_token#lubelotions-c-58.aspx!%3e">Better Sex Lubes and Lotions.</a><br /> <br /> Silicone lubes stay on the longest, but it is not a good idea to use condoms with them. My personal preference is for water based lubes because they clean up easier, but many of our customers like the <a href="">ID lubes</a> for their staying power. <br /> <br /> --><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Q:</SPAN><BR>I'm a 49 year old male dating a 48 year old woman for over a year. I have two issues I'd like your comments on. First my girl friend is very obese as I too am over weight. While I am able to penetrate her with my hand/fingers going into the missionary position is often times difficult. Sometime I can penetrate her that way other times not. Truth be told our belly’s get in the way. The second issue is the fact I have severe arthritis in my right knee to the extent it is bent at an angle which makes standing and embracing difficult and kneeling for missionary uncomfortable after a while. For instance if she has positioned herself toward the edge of the bed and I am standing next to it and want to enter her I have to coordinate a precarious balance with my thrusting so that I do not fall over. The inability to have both feet firmly on the floor is quite frustrating. I'll also admit there is a certain lack of intimacy for me in the fact she is so large that and I'd rather be caressing a smaller frame. What do you suggest as solutions for our physical size issue and my arthritic issue? (oh I'll also state that we tried rear entry over the summer and the size issue is present with that position as well too much flab to get out of the way.) Thank you in advance for your advice. <BR><BR><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Dr. Lori's Answer:</SPAN><BR>Sexual intimacy is challenging in the best circumstances. When one or both people in a relationship are suffering with physical and/or medical problems intimacy can become a source of frustration and pain, which then interferes with feelings of intimacy. The good news is that there are ways to expand and enhance intimacy with your partner, in spite of the challenges you mention. Physical touch, cuddling, erotic massage and oral and manual stimulation are ways to be intimate without intercourse. It sounds like you are able to manually stimulate your partner with your fingers. Try to vary your love making to include the above by switching back and forth from intercourse to other forms of intimate touch. This would alleviate you having to stay in any position for an extended period of time, which will be easier on your body. For example, switch between standing intercourse to lying on the bed manually stimulating one another You could also try using pillows to make intercourse and <A href="">oral sex</A> more comfortable. Try putting a pillow under your partner's hips, or between your thighs and calves when kneeling. <BR><BR>Intimacy also includes communication. Do you and your partner talk about your weight issues? Is this something you would both like to work on? You say that you would “rather be caressing a smaller frame”. Perhaps, you can work together towards improving your health and in losing weight. I recommend you make an appointment together with a doctor to discuss a nutrition and exercise program. Doing new things together can create intimacy and add excitement to a relationship. And, you’ll both be feeling healthier, more attractive and more confident, which is very sexy.<BR><BR><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Q:</SPAN><BR>Hello Dr. Lori<BR>I am a 33 year old sexually frustrated man. My girlfriend and I live together with our 3 year old, but our sex life has no life any more. Can you tell me how to can get the spark back in the bed room? Thanks, <BR>DB <BR><BR><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Dr. Lori's Answer:</SPAN><BR>DB<BR>It’s not uncommon for sexual activity to decline after the birth of a child. Parenting is hard work. Also, keep in mind that some women feel insecure about their bodies after giving birth. It’s probably time to take your girlfriend to a nice dinner and a hotel where she can feel like a woman and take a break from being a mom. You might also want to try some of the things you used to do to seduce her at the beginning of the relationship. Kisses on the neck, flowers, and phone calls to tell her you love her can work wonders. And changing a diaper or two couldn’t hurt. To get the spark back, start slowly and spend a lot of time giving your partner pleasure without the pressure to reciprocate or have intercourse. Watch a <A href="">better sex</A> video together to get some new ideas (I recommend the new <A href="">Better Sex Video Series</A>). Then try adding a fantasy or <A href="">adult&nbsp;sex toy</A> into your sex play. Your girlfriend will soon be wanting sex as much as you do.<BR><BR><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Q:</SPAN><BR>I am 53 and currently am single. I've been divorced for over 10 years. I seem to have a high sex drive and often resort to masturbation to relieve myself. Is this normal? I would much prefer a partner but it seems hard to find the right one. I've had numerous dates and but haven't had a steady girlfriend in sometime.<BR><BR>Thanks,<BR>DJ<BR><BR><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Dr. Lori's Answer:</SPAN><BR>DJ<BR>Masturbation is not only “normal”, it’s healthy. There is truth to the saying if you don’t use it, you’ll lose it. And besides, masturbation is a wonderful thing…what else feels so good, is good for you, legal and costs nothing? It is also healthier to go it alone than settle with the wrong partner due to sexual frustration. And, playing with yourself doesn’t have to end when you find a partner. Many men and women continue to Jack (or Jill) off when in a relationship. Why stop a good thing? If you love oranges, you wouldn’t give up eating them just because peaches are in season.<BR><BR><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Q:</SPAN><BR>Dr Lori,<BR><BR>I am a 29 married to a 26 year old woman. There has been some difficulty trying to figure out what satisfies my wife, she is very uncomfortable talking about sex, has admitted to having no sex drive. I do not consider myself crazy to want sex more than 2-3 times a month. I don't have to have it everyday, but a couple times a week would be great. A change of positions would be great, there is only one place my wife will have sex, the bedroom, in bed, either missionary or on top. How do I get her more excited about sex? I have asked questions and I am concerned because it creates conflict when I ask if there is anything I can do to make the encounter more satisfying for her. Thank you for the reply!<BR><BR><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Dr. Lori's Answer:</SPAN><BR>About desire…difference in sexual desire is a common concern for many couples. And difference exists for most couples in many other aspects of life as well…taste in food, hobbies, movies, music, sleep patterns, etc. However, when it comes to sexual desire,,,it’s hard not to take it personally. Realize that there are many things that can get in the way of sexual desire, such as stress, anger, and exhaustion, just to name a few. Also, it’s important to know that many women (and even some men) don’t experience sexual desire until they first become sexually aroused. And no, you’re not crazy for wanting to have sex with your wife more than 2-3- times a month, or 2-3 times a week. <BR><BR>I appreciate your effort in trying to learn how to satisfy your wife, but it’s likely that your wife herself may not know what she desires or likes sexually. It’s difficult (if not impossible) to know how to sexually satisfy or excite a partner who doesn’t know, or is not able or willing to communicate what they like and want. Here are some suggestions that may give your sex life and your wife’s sex drive a little “push”.<BR><BR>First, I recommend you focus on pleasing your wife in other ways than sexual. Romance her as you did when you began dating her (a love note, night out, small gift) and/or help her relax by helping around the house. These loving gestures will make you an even more lovable partner, can put your partner “in the mood” and may even inspire your wife to want to do more things to please you.<BR><BR>Then, I suggest you try to have intimate pleasurable experiences that do not include intercourse or orgasms. <A href="">Massage</A> and touch each other without the goal of sex. Just focus on loving and touching each other to create intimacy and relaxation. And don’t forget passionate kisses…<BR><BR>About communication…I also suggest that you use “tools” to inspire sexual discussions. Erotic and instructional sex books and/or films that you read or watch together can be wonderful tools to promote open talks about sexual likes, dislikes, and sexual fantasies. When it’s time to ask your wife what she likes, try asking her yes or no questions, or either or questions. For example, “do you like it when I kiss you this way? Or, “do you like it better when I touch you this way or that way” or here or there?<BR><BR>Try the above and be patient. It often only takes small changes to get your sex life back on track. If your efforts don’t seem to be working, I recommend you and your wife go see an AASECT certified sex therapist. <BR><BR><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Q:</SPAN><BR>I am 55 years old and have been going thru menopause for awhile now, and have NO desire for my husband anymore. I have gone to my doctor and she has put me on depression pills to help me thru the blues, but, her only response when I asked her about my sex life, she said just do it anyway! I really wasn't expecting that answer! My husband and I have always had a good relationship in that department, but, now it is nothing. I feel so empty inside and alot of my joy is gone. I try to do other things to let my husband know that I care--like making good meals for him and keeping a clean house and other things, but, I know that is not what he truely would like, he would like his wife back. What do you suggest?? I saw the ad for those video's and was wondering if that would help?? Please answer this email and let me know your professsioal opinion. <BR><BR>Thank you---S.<BR><BR><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Dr. Lori's Answer:</SPAN><BR>Dear S<BR><BR>The good news is that you don’t have to choose between no sex and unwanted sex. There are things you can do to bring the joy and intimacy back into your marriage. Menopause doesn’t have to mean the end of your sex life. However, it often means you need to change it. Many women need stimulation and arousal before they feel sexual desire (especially after menopause). Have you tried masturbation, sexual lubricant, or a vibrator? I recommend you take some time for yourself and have a nice warm bath, read an erotic book, fantasize, use lubricant and a vibrator to pleasure yourself. Are you able to become aroused? <BR><BR>As far as the “do it anyway” advice…when it comes to intimacy (not intercourse), I agree that it’s a good idea to do it anyway for the reason I mention above. Spending loving time kissing and touching your husband and being touched by him is a wonderful way to experience pleasure and closeness, and can lead to sexual arousal. However, you should never (in my opinion) have intercourse if you’re not sexually aroused. If you want to please your husband, you can sexually satisfy him with oral and/or manual sex. <BR><BR>To answer your question about the videos. Yes, I think they’re a wonderful way to expand your sexual behaviors and increase your knowledge, and open up sexual conversations with your husband. And some couples tell me they find them sexually titillating. Unfortunately, the antidepressants you’re taking may be negatively affecting your sex drive. Talk to your doctor about stopping or changing your medication and have you had your hormones checked (including testosterone). And don’t forget to make time for you and your husband to have fun together in and out of bed. <BR><BR><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Q:</SPAN><BR>I can orgasm with a strong vibrator, but would like to be able to orgasm with a lover (touch or oral stimulation). However, if i'm used to the strength of the vibrator, I fear I won't be able to respond to touch/oral. Do you have any suggestions for getting used to the feel of touch or otherwise being more responsive.<BR><BR>Thank you. <BR><BR><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Dr. Lori's Answer:</SPAN><BR>Many women find it easier to have an orgasm with a vibrator, but it is possible to expand your sexual behaviors and responsiveness. Start by masturbating with a vibrator, and then switching to manual touch when you become sexually aroused to explore your body and discover the places and ways you like to be touched. And don’t forget sexual lubricant. I encourage you to focus on the pleasure you feel rather than on having an orgasm, because trying to have an orgasm is a surefire way to not have an orgasm. Take lots of time and explore all areas of your body and vulva..<BR><BR>I also recommend you try G-spot stimulation with a vibrator or dildo with or without manual clitoral stimulation. Many women report discovering a whole new sexual pleasure that can be duplicated with intercourse. However, keep in mind that some women report they don’t feel a thing with a g-spot stimulation. .<BR><BR>Show your partner what you’ve learned and how you like to be touched. And again, focus on your pleasure. You may also choose to incorporate a vibrator into partner sex. There is no right or wrong way to have an orgasm.<BR><BR><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Q:</SPAN><BR>How long is sex supposed to last, because i find myself ejaculating within in minutes of penetration. Is there something i can do to last longer to satisfy my partner. I am only 23 years old, is this normal sex behavior at my age. I have always had trouble "lasting" in bed, please help. <BR><BR><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Dr. Lori's Answer:</SPAN><BR>Sex should last as long as you want it to. And sex is not restricted to intercourse. As a matter of fact, most women experience more sexual satisfaction with oral sex and direct clitoral stimulation than with intercourse. When you add sex play (oral, manual, etc) into your love-making…before, during, after, or instead of intercourse, sex can last for hours. Do this and you will experience less anxiety (which can also increase your staying power) and your partner will be very satisfied.<BR><BR>That said, there are ways to learn to last longer. Increasing your knowledge and awareness of your body is a great start. Be present, focus on your sexual pleasure, pay attention to your breathing and make sure to relax you pelvic floor muscles (known as the pubococcygeus or PC muscles). I also recommend doing kegel exercises and/or the stop-start method. <BR><BR>Men of all ages have similar concerns. Follow the above advice and you’ll be a great lover, whether you’re 23 or 60. <BR><BR><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Q:</SPAN><BR>My boyfriend loves for me to give him head. but my gag reflexes are terrible. I can hardly brush my teeth. but sometimes, I guess if I really want it, I can do it no problem. Do u have any advice for me please? <BR><BR><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Dr. Lori's Answer:</SPAN><BR>I’m so glad you asked this question. There is a widespread belief that in order to give a man oral sex, it is necessary to take his entire penis into your mouth, which is physically difficult and for most people, not very pleasurable. Actually, the head is the most sensitive part of a penis, and your tongue and hand can do amazing things to give a man incredible pleasure. Therefore, you can give your boyfriend the best BJ of his life without ever putting his penis down your throat. The trick is to use your hand as an extension of your mouth. Your hand serves a couple of purposes. It provides your partner with a nice firm grip, and puts you in control of how far his penis will go into your mouth.<BR><BR>Try this…use a sexual lubricant and begin by stroking his penis with your hand. Try different pressures and techniques, and ask him what he likes best. Then tease him with your tongue while still stroking his penis with your hand. Focus on the frenulum, which is the little v located under the head or glans of his penis, but make sure to use your tongue and mouth to explore other areas of his penis as well. And don’t forget his testicles and perineum (the area between his testicles and anus). Then put his penis in your mouth…but just the part beyond your hand. The combination of your hand, mouth, and tongue will drive your man wild and you’ll never have to worry about gagging again..<BR><BR><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Q:</SPAN><BR>Hello,I'm a 48 year-old female who often has 2 or 3 organisms during sex. The last couple of months, though, I've been peeing during organism. This isn't just a drop or two, but enough to get everything wet and smell. My husband says not to worry, but this has gotten too embarrassing. How can I stop this and get back to enjoying myself?<BR><BR><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Dr. Lori's Answer:</SPAN><BR>Chances are that you’re not peeing, but ejaculating. Studies have shown that this fluid is not urine or vaginal secretions. So, put a towel on the bed, relax and enjoy your orgasms! You might want to read Beverly Whipple’s new book, “The Science of Orgasm”. Or check out Sinclair’s new, soon to be released G-Spot video, which I host. You’ll learn everything you ever wanted to know about the G-spot and female ejaculation (also known as squirting). <BR><BR><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Q:</SPAN><BR>Hello, I have a question about HPV and oral sex. My wife I terrified about us having HPV and performing oral sex on me. She is scared that it will manifest itself in her mouth or face. Is there any reason to be cautious about this? She is going to take the HPV vaccination soon as well. After that, is there any reason to worry about this manifestation in her mouth from HPV or is this even possible?<BR><BR><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Dr. Lori's Answer:</SPAN><BR>It sounds like you might be referring to genital warts, which could be the basis of her fear. If so, it’s important that you know that they are very contagious. Genital warts are transmitted by skin to skin contact. Therefore, you can them with oral, vaginal, or <A href="">anal sex </A>with an infected partner. Getting them through oral sex is rare, but if you do have visible genital warts, you should avoid any skin-to skin and sexual contact until the warts are treated. It’s possible your wife might already have the HPV virus since it is the most common sexual transmitted infection. In the United States approximately 20-million people are currently infected with HPV (Wikipedia). And, if your wife is over 26 she will not be able to get the vaccine at this time. Unfortunately, the research on the vaccine’s safety and efficacy has only recently begun with women older than 26 years of age, and is currently only being given to girls/women between the ages of 9 and 26 years old. I recommend your wife get annual cervical Pap smear and HPV tests to prevent cervical cancer caused by the HPV virus.<BR><BR><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Q:</SPAN><BR>My husband and I are both 43 and have been married for 16 years. Our sex life is basically non existent. He has no sex drive. Don't get me wrong, he can have an erection but he never wants to. He keeps making excuses. His favorite one is we are getting old, we shouldn't have to that often. I thought it was my weight, but I lost 30 pounds and that didn't do the trick. I know he loves me and we are happy otherwise (and I know he's not having an affair), I just don't know what to do anymore. I have asked him to see a doctor, but he says nothing is wrong with him. He's just not like other men. There is more to life than sex as he puts it. Any suggestions? <BR><BR><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Dr. Lori's Answer:</SPAN><BR>Has your husband always had a low sex drive, or has something recently changed? Common reasons for a lowered sex drive can range from certain medications to relationship problems to life stressors to routine, boring sex. It’s common for women take their husband’s lack of sexual desire personally, but it not usually the case. He says that he’s getting old and that “we shouldn't have to that often”. 43 is hardly old, and good sexual relationships can last a whole lifetime…if wanted. There may not be anything wrong with your husband, but there is something wrong with your relationship since you are unhappy and clearly want a sex life with your husband. There might be “more to life than sex”, but sex is an important part of life and relationships. I recommend you have a conversation with your husband to let him know how you feel. Are there any sexual activities that he enjoys? Does he have any sexual fantasies, masturbate or enjoy receiving oral sex? If so, try incorporating these into your sex life. If he’s unwilling to talk to you or seriously consider your sexual needs, I suggest you see a certified sex therapist. You deserve to have a sexual relationship with your husband. <BR><BR><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Q:</SPAN><BR>I am a 67 year old married man. I have neurological problems and depend on Viagra as an aid so spontaneous sex seems out of the question. Also, I am on the smaller side of average as far as size. My wife is not as interested in continuing our sex life as I am. I am considering trying some of the sex aids sold by your institute but feel they may not fit properly considering my size. I want to try to bring more pleasure to my wife in the hopes of revitalizing our sex life. Hopefully this is realistic..<BR><BR><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Dr. Lori's Answer:</SPAN><BR>I doubt a bigger penis will make your wife more interested in sex. If you want to try some new sex aids to bring your wife more pleasure I recommend a vibrator for clitoral stimulation, which many women enjoy even more than penetration. And you might want to experiment with the “<A href="">Love Ring</A>”, which can give you and your wife added stimulation during intercourse. Also, oral and manual sex are wonderful sexual activities that don’t require an erect penis, and if desired can give you the spontaneity you crave.<BR><BR>Remember, seduction does not begin when you get naked. Seduce and romance your wife by helping her around the house, courting her, and surprising her with small, thoughtful gifts. It may increase her interest in your sex life.<BR><BR><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Q:</SPAN><BR>I am a 34 year old female with a good sex life, however, I have a few insecurities that are holding me back from having a great sex life. First of all, I seem to have an excessive amount of lubrication when I become aroused, and I find this to be embarrassing. It actually is too wet for sex at times. Could you tell me if this is normal and what I may do to correct this problem, if I can. Secondly, I don’t ever initiate foreplay as I feel like I don’t know what I am doing or that my partner may not like it. I know that this is due to my insecurities and would like to know how I may improve upon this. Thank you<BR><BR><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Dr. Lori's Answer:</SPAN><BR>Sex play (foreplay) can turn a good sex life into a great sex life. I prefer the term sex play to foreplay because it can be done before, during, after, or instead of intercourse. The best way to increase your sexual confidence and to know if your partner likes what you’re doing is to ask. I’m pretty sure you’re your partner would also like to know what you like. Another way to increase your sexual skills and confidence is to increase your sexual knowledge. Reading books or watching instructional sex films are a good way to start. I recommend ‘The Guide to Getting it On” by Paul Joannides or “<A href="">The Better Sex Video Series’ </A>by Sinclair. <BR>&lt; br /&gt; About your first concern, a&nbsp;<A href="">sex lubricant </A>&nbsp;is a great thing and generally adds to sexual pleasure. However, it is possible to feel a decrease in vaginal friction with “excessive” vaginal lubrication. Some women have reported that taking a decongestant or antihistamine prior to sex helps since they tend to dry up mucous membranes. But keep in mind; they will also dry up your mouth, which is not very sexy. <BR><BR><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Q:</SPAN><BR>I am 43 and have not been very sexually active for most of my life....Had first experience with a vibrator about 3 years ago, and generally prefer to have my partner use it on me, but have "gone it alone" once in awhile...During sex, I generally don't have that "release" of sexual pleasure, although it does feel pretty darn good at certain angles. We've tried exploring those options, but just can't get me to climax during sex and use of the vibrator is required either before or after....&amp; Have even tried it just before &amp; stopping when I feel I am "close" and then having sex, figuring that we will be able to "finish it off" that way, but it just doesn't happen....I don't self-lubricate during sex or with the vibrator so applying an oil or lubricant is a necessity, often more than once. What can I do to make my body work better?<BR><BR><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Dr. Lori's Answer:</SPAN><BR>Your body is working just fine. Many women find it easier to orgasm with a <A href="">vibrator</A>, and vaginal lubrication and level of sexual arousal don’t always match. However, it is possible to increase and expand your sexual responsiveness. Here are my suggestions:<BR><BR>Masturbate. Women who masturbate tend to be more orgasmic. It’s really a matter of learning more about your body and what turns you on. I encourage you to explore different options for increasing your level of sexual excitement and arousal. Perhaps a warm scented bubble bath, reading erotica or engaging in a fantasy is just what you need to get you in the mood. Then spend time exploring your entire body. Where and how do you like to be touched? And finally, spend time giving yourself pleasure by focusing on your vulva. Use your fingers, your hand or a pillow. You might even want to try using a dildo to explore your g-spot. Give yourself a lot of time, don’t get discouraged, and remember that this is about expanding your sexual responsiveness and increasing you pleasure. Don’t worry or focus on having an orgasm (which is a sure way not to have one). <BR><BR>Continue to use personal&nbsp;lubricant, which should be water-based, and can be reactivated with water. So, when it starts to get dry or sticky, instead of reapplying, just add water or saliva.<BR><BR><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Q:</SPAN><BR>I am 26 years old, one of the women who rarely have an orgasm with her partners. My orgasm happened only a few times in the past. After my last ex boyfriend, about three years ago I've started using a vibrator because i wasn't in any relationship and didn't have sex at all. Last year, i have been in a relationship. We are very happy to be together. However, i haven't had any orgasm with him. We try many techniques but they didn't work. Every time after his orgasm,&nbsp;I use the vibrator for myself. My boyfriend starts feeling guilty that he can't make me have an orgasm. Am i dependent on the vibrator too much? Should i stop using it? I'm really afraid that it will affect our relationship. I'm so desperate because i don't want him to feel guilty. Please, some advice.<BR><BR><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Dr. Lori's Answer:</SPAN><BR>Read the above to learn how to increase and expand your sexual responsiveness. And I want to add that there’s nothing wrong with using a vibrator. Why would you want to stop using something that you enjoy? As a matter of fact, you might want to try using the vibrator while having intercourse with your boyfriend to give you clitoral stimulation, which most women need to have an orgasm. This is easiest done with you on top using a small vibrator such as a <A href="">pocket rocket</A>. <BR><BR>I also want you and your boyfriend to know that sex is about pleasure and intimacy. When the focus is on having an orgasm, sex becomes goal focused, which is not very erotic or fun. So, relax and have fun.<BR><BR><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Q:</SPAN><BR>I am a 26 year old mother of 2 and i do not want 2 have sex with my husband. I don’t know what is wrong with me he get so mad at me but I can’t help it I just don’t want 2.i know it is not normal and it is not that I don’t find him attractive because i do. There are times that make myself do it and in the middle i find myself so mad that I made myself do something that did not want 2 do that I will just lay there until he is done and then cry about it after and then I fill like I am nuts because I am crying for such a stupid reason. I don’t know what 2 do, can u help!<BR><BR><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Dr. Lori's Answer:</SPAN><BR>It makes sense that you would feel sad and mad if you’re having sex when you don’t want to. You’re not nuts for crying, but I do have some questions for you to ask yourself. What might be the reason(s) you don’t want to have sex with your husband? Are you too tired? Generally speaking, is sex not very enjoyable for you? What can you or he do to make it better? Did you enjoy having sex at the beginning of your relationship? If so, what was different? <BR><BR>Sit down and have a discussion with your husband. Let him know what you want in and out of bed…help with the house and children, a little romance, and/or increased sex play (foreplay) may be just what you need to feel more sexy. <BR><BR>And lastly, stop having unwanted intercourse. Because, doing so will cause you to feel angry and resentful, and will further decrease your desire to make love with your husband. But keep in mind that many women (and men) need to have physical stimulation before they feel sexual desire or arousal, so you might choose to engage in sexual activity with your husband before you feel the desire to do so. However, the key word here is choice. You always have a choice. Choose pleasure, which may include sexual activity to please your husband.<BR><BR><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Q:</SPAN><BR>My girlfriend would like to know if you know of any books or videos that would "teach" her how to develop the ability to "squirt" the copious amounts of climax discharge (not sure of an apt name other than "cum")&amp; that we witness in some specialized XXX videos. I didn't want to discourage her, but I would assume that that type of climax must be either some kind of special effect or an anomaly shared by a few. I am anxious to help her if I can. Please let me know if you can help. Best regards, WLG<BR><BR><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Dr. Lori's Answer:</SPAN><BR>Ejaculating or “squirting” isn’t something that a woman can teach herself to do (although some people might disagree with me). Some women “squirt” and some women don’t. Women who ejaculate generally do so with G-spot stimulation, and the amount of fluid varies from woman to woman. And, I believe that many (not all) of the effects you’re seeing in these&nbsp;<A href="">adult sex&nbsp;videos</A> are just those…effects. The important message I want to give your girlfriend is that her being able to squirt will not make her or the sex any better or worse. She might want to try experimenting with G-spot stimulation. She may not ejaculate, but she might discover a new kind of sexual pleasure. <BR><BR>I recommend books by Beverly Whipple, “The G-Spot”, and her new book “The Science of Orgasm”. Also, Sinclair’s soon to be released <A href="">G-spot DVD </A>will teach you everything about the <A href="">G-spot</A> and female ejaculation. <BR><BR><A href="">Back to Better Sex University and Adult Sex Education</A> </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE><!-- copy end --><BR><BR><BR><BR></TD></TR> <TR> <TD></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
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